January 2010
5 posts
4 tags
The Something I Wait For
I’ve spent a great amount of time thinking that something is out there, just around the corner, just a few steps away. Sometimes I wonder if it isn’t looming right behind me, so close and yet completely invisible and unknown.
Part of me wonders if this is what everyone goes though before they hit whatever they define as mid-life, expecting/believing in some greater potential yet to...
1 tag
2 tags
Momentum
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always loved to read. My father read a lot, my brother read a lot (still does), and my mom read to me every night for years. I don’t remember how old I was when my mother stopped reading to me, but remember thinking I was glad none of my friends knew she was still doing it.
I went through a phase in elementary school when I would come home from...
1 tag
November 2009
1 post
4 tags
TJ Gets A Ticket…
I’m going to assume you listen to Live, from a Shoebox and more specifically that you’ve listened to Episode 14 where Alison talked about getting pulled over and Episode 20 where she talked about getting pulled over again. As in, a second time. By the same cop.
Her courage and determination to fight The Man has inspired me to share my story where I, too, fought against The Man.
The...
September 2009
3 posts
Mixed Emotions
We were in a staff meeting for the so-called “professional” staff.
The secretary knocked on the door and told my boss and my co-worker that their wives were on the phone, asking to talk with them right away. This had never happened before. I had met their wives, and they were not ones to get overly excited about something without reason. For them to call and insist on talking to...
Pointer: "Something I never want to hear again" →
I tried to get the linked post to publish Tuesday at 1 p.m. but it never appeared in my Dashboard, and so I’m thinking it may not have appeared in anyone else’s either.
If it did, sorry for the duplication.
Something I never want to hear again…
[originally intended to be published 2009-09-08 at 1pm]
By the time you read this it will be at least 1:00 p.m. (eastern time, USA).
I will be at a funeral for a friend of ours who died of cancer. She was diagnosed in February. She was, perhaps, more an “acquaintance” than a friend. She was someone I knew, a little. Occasionally we’d see her at a church, or at the local...
May 2009
10 posts
Driving in Pittsburgh
So I was driving through Pittsburgh today, and while stopped at a red light, I wrote:
Pittsburgh: “Even our pedestrians drive like assholes.”
Because they do.
Now, I currently live in a small town, but I’ve driven in Boston, New York, New Jersey, California, and Atlanta.
I have never in my life seen as many people pull the “I’m stepping out into the road,...
Like Father, Like Son
Ever since Empire Strikes Back I have been aware of the psychological damage that a father can do to his son, and have sought to minimize the damage that I do to mine.
Generally speaking, I spend a lot of time worrying what unintentional lessons he is learning from me—you know, those things that you never realize that you do until you see your kid do them?
Well today I learned that he...
A Piece of My Journey, for @jamield
I didn’t know @jamield other than the occasional overlap on Tumblr.
I’ve spent some time looking over her Tumblr especially, and thought that perhaps she would have enjoyed this story.
The story starts nine years ago, early spring of 2000. I can’t tell you exactly when but it was after February 1st and before April 15th. My sister and her family were living in Scotland, and...
Mother's Day, 2009
She was awoken much too early by the almost 7 year old boy she let sleep in her bed last night because he wanted to have a “sleep-over,” which meant that the too early morning came after a night of being kicked by a child who moves so frequently and violently in his sleep that his parents often joke about padding the walls and floor of his bedroom, and doubt that they will ever let him...
Places Where It Is Acceptable To Trim Your Nails
1.) Your bathroom, with the door closed.
My Most Awkward Conversation Ever
I have a friend, who we will call “A”.
“A” switched to a Mac after hearing me love mine, and loved it. I would routinely get text messages or emails talking about how much easier it was, etc.
“A” came over when I first purchased my iPhone and couldn’t wait to see it, and had talked about wanting to get one.
When the iPhone 3G was scheduled to come...
Rubber Stamp
My request:
VistaPrint would like to offer me a free rubber stamp. Which is to say, I am now talking suggestions on what my rubber stamp should say. source
gathered a number of responses (shown in order they were received)
smartgoat: STAMPED
mikemorrow: Folks in my office are big fans of a big “WTF” stamp…
Notactuallyme: I have one that says “Fuck it - I don’t...
April 2009
15 posts
Button Fly
The button-fly was invented by someone clearly not on either the producer or consumer sides of the blowjay industry. — @biorhythmist
I haven’t worn button-fly jeans in a long time, but back in college, they were pretty much all I owned. I hadn’t thought about them in years until I saw the above message.
Scene: dorm room, freshman year. Me and new lady-friend are, fully clothed,...
Wherein I Tell You About My Day and You Pretend to...
Background
We’ve had a major renovation that we’ve needed to do at work for years.
Here’s enough detail to understand the situation:
Things have gotten so bad that we’re really risking turning people away unless we do something.
What had been done 20 years ago by a couple of college kids (and never really worked well, adequately, but not well) needed to be...
Dear My-Waitress-From-Lunch-Today
You are not very good at your job.
I’ve been here several times and have had the change to be waited on you and most of the other waitresses here.
You are the worst one here.
Now, look, don’t take it too hard, in any group of people who all do the same thing, there has to be someone who is the worst. That’s just how it works. At first I thought maybe you were just having a...
I Heart TJ
One of the downsides to having a short, kinda vague Twittername is that people use it as an abbreviation for all sorts of things
I get messages for “TJ Maxx” (who are actually on Twitter as @tjmaxx) and “Trader Joes” (also on Twitter at @traderjoes) and various other TJs.
This wasn’t a huge deal until Twitter changed “Replies” to be...
The Church of Atheism, part 2
(It’ll help if you’ve read Kurafire’s original post
and
my reply
and then
his reply. The latter post is quoted, in part, below:)
I knew there was some component I had wrong in my supposition. I wonder though: do the clergy pay for the food they eat at church? I’m genuinely asking because I simply don’t know, but I need to know for my essay.
Clergy don’t eat at...
A Boy and His Gun
RePlayed video games from my youth. I don’t remember them hurting my wrists. It’s almost as if I had incredibly strong wrists as a teenager.
It’s not to late to star that
Saturday we went to a family party at a place called
Dave and Buster’s
Have you heard about this place?
You have? And you haven’t told me about it before now?
I’m not sure we can...
The Church of Atheism
Exerpts of what kurafire wrote:
Suppose we (“we” being my fellow militant atheists and I) were to create a “Church of Atheism” where everyone who joins it becomes part of the organization. Providing it gets big enough, it would give the Church organization—and hey, everyone who is a member—a complete tax break. You’d be employed by this church as well and suddenly have a loophole through which...
Oviparous
Scene: Driving The Boy home from school (kindergarten)
Him: We learned a new word today?
Me: Oh? What word was that.
Him: Oviparous.
Me: HAHAHAHA. Oh really? And what does "oviparous" mean?
Him: It means an animal that lays eggs.
Me: … Wait, is that a real word or one you made up?
Him: No! It's a real word our teacher taught us.
Me: Oh! Ha, right… Really? I've never heard that word before.
Him: Really?! You could tell your friends that you learned it from your son!
Me: (trying to contain my laughter) Yes, I suppose I could…
Him: You could tell YOUR teacher that YOU learned a new word!
Me: (who is in school part time) Yes, I suppose I could do that.
Him: I bet your teacher would be impressed that you knew that word…
Me: Well, I'm impressed that you know it.
Moral: having a college degree in English doesn't mean you know ALL the words.
Memories of Dates Gone By
This story is dedicated to hotheadred who has inspired me to buy Photoshop and learn how to use unsharp mask. I mean, seriously, What!
(Also, it’s long, but it’s worth it. Ladies.)
Scene: High school, my senior year.
I met the girl I thought I was going to marry one day. We met on a retreat and bonded over some heavy, emotional baggage, with a side of mutual attraction. A few...
3 tags
On Women and Toilet Seats
So I said on the twitter: “I’m 36 years old, been married for 14 years, and I still don’t understand women’s debilitating fear of the toilet seat being left up” which led to stars from several men (not exclusively but predominantly), and @replies from several women:
wending wrote: “Clearly, you’ve never inadvertently fallen in.”
danielle_i...
Lies, Damn Lies, and Photoshop
Katie wrote this:
Long story short, I know a guy who I counted as a good friend last year and most of this year. Last term, I realized that he is a narcissistic, chauvenistic sociopath. I came to this realization soon after his frat got into a hazing scandal in which they made a pledge take a picture with a fat girl as a running joke. That fat girl was me. I wrote a letter to my school...