April 2009
15 posts
Button Fly
The button-fly was invented by someone clearly not on either the producer or consumer sides of the blowjay industry. — @biorhythmist
I haven’t worn button-fly jeans in a long time, but back in college, they were pretty much all I owned. I hadn’t thought about them in years until I saw the above message.
Scene: dorm room, freshman year. Me and new lady-friend are, fully clothed,...
Wherein I Tell You About My Day and You Pretend to...
Background
We’ve had a major renovation that we’ve needed to do at work for years.
Here’s enough detail to understand the situation:
Things have gotten so bad that we’re really risking turning people away unless we do something.
What had been done 20 years ago by a couple of college kids (and never really worked well, adequately, but not well) needed to be...
Dear My-Waitress-From-Lunch-Today
You are not very good at your job.
I’ve been here several times and have had the change to be waited on you and most of the other waitresses here.
You are the worst one here.
Now, look, don’t take it too hard, in any group of people who all do the same thing, there has to be someone who is the worst. That’s just how it works. At first I thought maybe you were just having a...
I Heart TJ
One of the downsides to having a short, kinda vague Twittername is that people use it as an abbreviation for all sorts of things
I get messages for “TJ Maxx” (who are actually on Twitter as @tjmaxx) and “Trader Joes” (also on Twitter at @traderjoes) and various other TJs.
This wasn’t a huge deal until Twitter changed “Replies” to be...
The Church of Atheism, part 2
(It’ll help if you’ve read Kurafire’s original post
and
my reply
and then
his reply. The latter post is quoted, in part, below:)
I knew there was some component I had wrong in my supposition. I wonder though: do the clergy pay for the food they eat at church? I’m genuinely asking because I simply don’t know, but I need to know for my essay.
Clergy don’t eat at...
A Boy and His Gun
RePlayed video games from my youth. I don’t remember them hurting my wrists. It’s almost as if I had incredibly strong wrists as a teenager.
It’s not to late to star that
Saturday we went to a family party at a place called
Dave and Buster’s
Have you heard about this place?
You have? And you haven’t told me about it before now?
I’m not sure we can...
The Church of Atheism
Exerpts of what kurafire wrote:
Suppose we (“we” being my fellow militant atheists and I) were to create a “Church of Atheism” where everyone who joins it becomes part of the organization. Providing it gets big enough, it would give the Church organization—and hey, everyone who is a member—a complete tax break. You’d be employed by this church as well and suddenly have a loophole through which...
Oviparous
Scene: Driving The Boy home from school (kindergarten)
Him: We learned a new word today?
Me: Oh? What word was that.
Him: Oviparous.
Me: HAHAHAHA. Oh really? And what does "oviparous" mean?
Him: It means an animal that lays eggs.
Me: … Wait, is that a real word or one you made up?
Him: No! It's a real word our teacher taught us.
Me: Oh! Ha, right… Really? I've never heard that word before.
Him: Really?! You could tell your friends that you learned it from your son!
Me: (trying to contain my laughter) Yes, I suppose I could…
Him: You could tell YOUR teacher that YOU learned a new word!
Me: (who is in school part time) Yes, I suppose I could do that.
Him: I bet your teacher would be impressed that you knew that word…
Me: Well, I'm impressed that you know it.
Moral: having a college degree in English doesn't mean you know ALL the words.
Memories of Dates Gone By
This story is dedicated to hotheadred who has inspired me to buy Photoshop and learn how to use unsharp mask. I mean, seriously, What!
(Also, it’s long, but it’s worth it. Ladies.)
Scene: High school, my senior year.
I met the girl I thought I was going to marry one day. We met on a retreat and bonded over some heavy, emotional baggage, with a side of mutual attraction. A few...
3 tags
On Women and Toilet Seats
So I said on the twitter: “I’m 36 years old, been married for 14 years, and I still don’t understand women’s debilitating fear of the toilet seat being left up” which led to stars from several men (not exclusively but predominantly), and @replies from several women:
wending wrote: “Clearly, you’ve never inadvertently fallen in.”
danielle_i...
Lies, Damn Lies, and Photoshop
Katie wrote this:
Long story short, I know a guy who I counted as a good friend last year and most of this year. Last term, I realized that he is a narcissistic, chauvenistic sociopath. I came to this realization soon after his frat got into a hazing scandal in which they made a pledge take a picture with a fat girl as a running joke. That fat girl was me. I wrote a letter to my school...