Dear My-Waitress-From-Lunch-Today

You are not very good at your job.

I’ve been here several times and have had the change to be waited on you and most of the other waitresses here.

You are the worst one here.

Now, look, don’t take it too hard, in any group of people who all do the same thing, there has to be someone who is the worst. That’s just how it works. At first I thought maybe you were just having a bad day, but I’m in here every week and realized that no, this is just how you are.

Here are some of the differences between you and a good waitress:

1) You don’t seem to care

Again, we all have our days when we hate being at work. As far as I can tell, however, that is every day. You exude a sense of “I would rather be anywhere else” and it is reflected in everything that you do.

Tip: fake it.

You don’t have to go overboard with it and be all “HI! HOW ARE YOU? WELCOME!” but you can smile and be pleasant even if you don’t feel like it. Sometimes that’s what having a job and being a grown up requires, especially in the service industry.

2) You are not very observant

Almost any other waitress in this place will ask me, “Do you want a diet coke, no ice?” when they seat me. I know you see a lot of people over the course of the week, but the fact that every single other waitress knows this reflects on you.

However, that’s the most minor example.

On Tuesdays, your restaurant sells burgers for 50% off. It is, I feel safe to say, your busiest lunch day (although there are still plenty of empty tables because this is a small town). 99% of the time I come in, it is on Tuesdays.

When I sit down and immediately put the menu down away from me at the table, I’m ready to order. I walked in the door knowing what I was going to order. It’s the same thing I get every Tuesday.

Finally, I was seated right next to the waitresses’ “station” where they refill drinks, etc. When you delivered the meal, my drink was already less than 50% full. You didn’t notice. Eventually when I was almost out of something to drink, you asked if I wanted a refill.

That was also when you asked if everything was OK—about 10 minutes after the food had been delivered. I was nearly done, and now you ask if everything is OK? See point #1 above.

Tip: When the glass hits 50%, refill it, or at least offer to. Ask “Are you ready to order or do you need a few minutes?” when seating someone. Check in at least once after taking the order before delivering the food. Check back about 3 minutes after delivering the food, and once close to when I’m done. Take away empty plates, glasses when you do. Yeah, I know there are busboys, but trust me, it helps. It doesn’t get so busy that you can’t do all of those things. Trust me, I’ve seen you all milling around. It will go faster if you keep busy.

3) You missed the basics

You never introduced yourself. Most every waitress I know hates being called “miss” or “ma’am” and I can understand that completely. But if I have no idea what your name is, what choice do I have? But beyond that, it makes things a little more friendly and it costs you nothing.

I ordered a “bacon cheeseburger, plain”. You looked at me as if you had heard a strange noise. You were clearly confused by this, and had you asked I would have explained that I meant no lettuce, no tomato. Someone must have figured it out, because it came without it.

You didn’t ask how I wanted it cooked.

You didn’t ask if I wanted fries instead of potato chips.

At the end of the meal, you had just delivered me a full refill on my drink and I was just about done eating. A good waitress would have taken the opportunity to ask either or both of these questions:

1) Would you like dessert? (increases bill and therefore your tip)

2) Would you like a to-go cup? (doesn’t get you anything but goodwill from the customer, and the cost of the cup itself is worth that. You’re just going to pour out the drink anyway.)

Instead you simply dropped off the bill and walked away after saying “I’ll take this when you’re ready.”

Maybe you’ve missed the fact that your tip is generally based off of the percentage of the total food bill. Fries add $0.75 to the bill. Dessert would have been probably $3-4. My total bill came to $4.17. With a minimal amount of effort, you might have been able to double that, which could have doubled your tip.

For one customer it’s not that big of a difference, but multiply it by everyone you’ve seen all day, and just by asking maybe you’d get 15% of the people who decide to get something else, and maybe you get a 10% increase in your total tips.

Tip: Ask more questions. Your job is basically to ask “What can I get you?” for which you are paid money. Don’t cut corners, you’re hurting yourself in the long run.

Aside: I wonder if this is a restaurant where all the waitresses pool their tips and divide them evenly. I hope not, because that allows someone like this to feed off the work of others.

Waiting tables isn’t easy, but you’re making it harder than it needs to be.