Button Fly
The button-fly was invented by someone clearly not on either the producer or consumer sides of the blowjay industry. — @biorhythmist
I haven’t worn button-fly jeans in a long time, but back in college, they were pretty much all I owned. I hadn’t thought about them in years until I saw the above message.
Scene: dorm room, freshman year. Me and new lady-friend are, fully clothed, on the bed, “getting acquainted”. Things are going along OK until she starts asking questions.
Her: “Are you OK?”
Me: “Yeah” (translation: “Actually no, but I’d rather not tell you what’s wrong for fear it will break the mood, which I would really rather not do.”)
Her: “Ok.”
(few minutes later)
Her: “Seriously, what’s wrong?”
Me: “It’s nothing.” (translation: “Ow ow ow ow ow don’t care don’t care don’t care”)
Her: “Tell me, or I’m leaving”
Me: “It’s not a big deal, it’s just… you’re… kind of… grinding my buttons into me…. there”
Her: “…”
Me: “It’s not a big deal…” (please don’t leave) “I just need to…” (less talking, more kissing… oh crap, what was I saying? Did I just say something? I think I started to say something, she’s looking at me like she’s waiting for me to say something. SAY SOMETHING!)
Me: “I, um…”
Her: “Well why don’t you just take them off?”
If you had given me 1,000 sheets of paper and asked to write my guesses for what she would say, I never would have come up with that one. I won’t finish telling the rest of the story, just trust me that it had a happy ending.
What’s much funnier is that several years later I saw this video of Kevin Smith talking about the first time he had sex with his wife, which went much worse and ended much better. Sort of.
It’s in 2 parts (YouTube), both parts are about 9 minutes long, although the first clip starts about 1m35s into it. There’s some “strong language” (the so-called “F word”) so avoid this at work if that’s a problem.
